I'm so BAD-LUCKED

Okay, you may wonder why I say that. Well, it's just that. I have bad luck. Yesterday just wasn't my day.
Since I so wanted to go to Blue Creek, a village a few miles away from home, my sisters and some friends made a plan to go.
We got up very early(5a.m) and prepared our lunch. We were to go on the bus that left the village at 7 but we were'nt ready. So, we had to catch a ride with my dad. I was expecting him to leave us at the roadside, but he drove us all the way.
My spirits were high but after a while I started getting sleepy and there flies were molesting.
Anyway, we walked to the cave and as soon as we finished breakfast, the sky got dark and the rain poured down. We hurried back to the main building.
I was walking too fast I guess, and I fell down. I was soaked up by the time I reached the first cabin.
After the rain stopped, we went on the huge rocks and took some pictures.
Not long after that, it started raining again. We were about to have lunch.
It was raining the whole time, and I started feeling cold. So, I decided to go in the water for a swim. There was thunder and lighning and it was stupid of me. The lighning struck the water and it shocked me. I got scared and I ran out of the water. You should have seen me!
Since we had nothing else to do and I was afraid to go back in the water, we decided to start walking home.
But before that, we went to change off. And to top it all off, I slipped from the stairs. So, I fell down two times and lighning shocked me. Now I have a big bruise on my leg.
We were walking for more than two hours when my dad came back for us. I was so relieved to get in the vehicle.

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off, and none of them is me. Pretending is an art that's second nature to me, but don't be fooled. For God's sake don't be fooled. I give you the impression that I'm secure, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water's are calm and I'm in command, and that I need no one.
But don't believe me!
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence. Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness. But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed. That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows. But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance, if it's followed by LOVE.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self-built prison walls, from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself, that I'm really worth something.
I don't like to hide.
I don't like to play superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me, but you've got to help me. You've got to hold out your hand even when that's the last thing I seem to want. Only you can wipe away from my eyes the bland stare of the breathing dead. Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind and gantle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.

Who am I, you may wonder.
I am someone you know very well.

DESTINY or FREE WILL OF CHOICE?

The other day I was having a discussion with my dad after lunch. It was about DESTINY. I was saying that a person cannot change what will happen. What must happen will happen, one way or the next, and nothing can stop it. He opposed me by saying that it's just FREE WILL OF CHOICE. His explanation to this was that a person makes their life the way it is. With the desicions they make, it can either lead to something good or something bad. And he also explained about pre-destination(I won't go into that now).
Everyone has something good awaiting them and it's up to them to find a way to get it.
There are times when we think we are making the right decisions, and when it turns out that it wasn't right, we get disappointed. But I always think that the explanation for this was that it was supposed to happen. It still would have happened later, maybe in a way much worse.
We can't avoid what should happen, or maybe it's possible.

Home Sweet Home

I'm home again. I'ts the best thing that can happen, although having a family upsets me sometimes. I'm so used to being alone. Anyway, I've started where I left off.
I missed the little creek where I used to spend most of my days as a child, so I went there to have a bath. The water was so cold. I floated in there for a long time, remembering the good times I've had. I realized it wasn't much. Anytime I thought something was good, something had to disappoint me. But I guess that's just the way of life. Can't undo what happens.
Anyway, it's the only place in the world where I feel I can be myself, with no one but the trees around me and the blue sky above me as I lie down in the water on top of the rock. I always feel at peace whenever I do that and time is always forgotten.
It's a place where I can talk aloud about my thoughts, without worrying if someone will overhear me.
I felt like it was ages since I was home the last time. Everything feels different. Even my sisters. Even though we still talk and share our secrets, I feel that they are much closer to each other than with me. I feel like a total stranger when they start to talk and I feel I don't always catch up with what they say. I make them repeat it over for me. As for my cat, I have to feel sorry for him. I feel bad when I see them kicking him. ( That's because they don't like cats, I'm the only one who does.)
I just hope I'll make up for the time I spent away from them this time. Even though I like to be by myself, I still think this is just too much.
Judy is not here to make me laugh. I left a few days ago and I miss Cayo already. I can't wait to go back. For my own reasons, even though I want to spend time with my family. Two things I feel are the most important (actually three), and I can only spend time with one.

My First Mechanical Ride

Last night I went to the Benque Fiesta. I was there the night before, but it wasn't fun because it was raining. I had my first mechanical ride and it was good. At first I was nervous, but then I relaxed and enjoyed. The best was the flying suacer. When we reached, I had a glass of strong rum, (really strong, it even burned my eyes when I brought it near my mouth). Anyway, I went in the ferris wheel first, along with my friend. The second ride was the flying saucer. When we got out of it I felt nauseaous. My friend said she felt like her guts could have came out through her mouth. That was fun, the best I've had in along time. I had to laugh because when she stepped out, she said she was feeling drunk. We zig-zagged among the people and they were looking at us(wondering what's wrong). For the third ride, I went by myself and that wasn't fun. My friend didn't want to go again. Now I'm beginning to understand that it's not fun when I'm by myself everytime when I can be having fun with others. I've learned a lot of things over the past 5 months since I met Judz. and I'm learning some more.