Okay, I have been wasting a lot of time lately when I know I could be doing something else that would be worth the time wasted. This is one thing that I like about this summer. I only have classes for the weekend and have the rest of the week for myself but I still haven't done anything that makes me feel good. The classes are good so far, especially the music class. I have been learning how to play the recorder and I think I have the basics right. So far, I have learned these simple tunes: Mary had a little lamb, Twinkle Twinkle, Ode to Joy (Joyful Joyful) and My Heart Will Go On. At first I didn't listen to music from the centuries before but now that I have heard some of it, I realize that I like them better than the contemporary music. Of all, I think I like Baroque music the best, and the one from Romanticism.
Even though I have spent adequate time with the recorder, I still feel a huge empty space within my circle and sometimes its depressing. Little things are done here and there and I see and associate with some people but I think that's not what i want. Many times before I said I would try to be more open to others but I cannot change who I am. It can be done but only to a certain extent. Everyday I look around me and I see others trying to be like this one, and another trying to be like that one and I get sick of it. It just doesn't make sense to me. I only do what I have to do when I have to. Otherwise, I do with what I have and I live by who I am.
There are so many things that I question in this life and I haven't discovered the answers and maybe never will. I try to live with what comes my way and I guess that's what make things kinda easier. There are times when some people ask why I am always smiling and they wonder if I am ever angry. That's something even myself don't know. It's just being me. I also do things that people wouldn't expect me to do. Me being this shy, quiet person, I don't know what runs through their mind when they look at me now. I remember when I went home for Christmas. There was a fellowship service at the church in Punta Gorda and the congregation from my current homevillage, San Pedro Colombia, was invited. The one from San Antonio too, my ex-homevillage! Anyway, I stepped in the bus and oh my goodness!!! The looks that I got!! I felt as if I had stepped from another planet or something. Jeez!! I always laugh when I remember. It's a part of my life that I guess I will always dislike. Why they do it, I do not know but I leave them be. I live my life the way I see it best. Am just trying to get to my goal and be able to look behind and say 'Yes!! I did it!!'.
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