Terrible Days

It's closer to the end of another semester and I find myself in the same position I was in two semesters ago. It's this world history again. It's very interesting but to be required to read a whole pile of information and make 5 page reports is nothing nice. I have been reading and I can't remember what I read because I am nervous about it and so anxious to get it done. My greatest fear is for him not to read through what I put all my time writing and just give me a grade that I feel I don't deserve. Because of all the reading and due to the fact that I didn't have gas for the past week, I have been eating sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Only on some days I was lucky enough to get boyos.

Few Words

A Stray

This here is just another animal that found a place in my home. I haven't checked it it's a he or a she yet, but soon. I saw it earlier this week and he/she has been going home every evening. Beka doesn't like cats and I am surprised she hasn't chased it yet. It's so cute and I love to look at it's eyes. I fed it some of Beka's soup and she doesn't know. If she knew, she won't let me get close to another pot of food. Anyway, here it is.

I don't know what name to give it.

Creatures of the Night

I was falling asleep when I heard some strange noise coming in from outside. I lay down still for a while to listen. It sounded like something pulling on the grass outside and I was guessing what it could be. I came to the conclusion that only a horse could be out there, but at that hour? I moved the curtains so I could get a good look outside and I saw what I saw. I saw three of them at first and decided it was the only time I could get a good picture of some beautiful horses. After I took them, I didn't think they were all that beautiful. They even scared me. For a moment I thought they were spirits. Stupid of me. I stood watching them for a long time until they left.

Here they are:

That there was the one I didn't see. He was the last one to leave. I say he, I'm not sure.

Letter to my little sis, Aida

Dear Aida,
Today makes it four years since you left our side. It hurt so much when you left and it still does, but we are comforted by the thought that you are in a better place. So many times have I wondered why it had to be you. That was a cruel play. You being so small, beautiful and innocent. Sometimes I wish it would have happened to me instead. You missed so much of life, but here there is only suffering and disappointments. Life is full of it. I've had my share of it, and it always makes me feel so bad. I wish I can get out of here sometimes and spend time with you. The times we never had when you were here, since you were so small to even know what was happening. All those nights when you cried, and me not knowing why made me cry along with you. Then the time when you laughed for the first time. It was years after they left you that way. I was the one to hear it, and it gave me hopes that one day you would be better, but time proved me wrong. I always wonder how you and I would have gotten along. Would you have been like our other sisters? Of course not. I know you would have been different and we would have understood each other better. I knew that the time for you to leave was near when you refused your bottle, and it brought tears to my eyes for I had no one else to talk to. I couldn't talk to anyone else how I talked to you because I knew that they never listened. I know you heard me, even though the doctors said you couldn't hear. They were very wrong because you would jump whenever there was a loud noise. They can't even explain why you laughed after such a long time. To them, you were nothing, but they didn't see you every day. When I heard that you went away, it was a terrible blow. It was on a Wednesday, I remember clearly. I was at school, and that day I wasn't feeling like myself. There was this heaviness in my heart and I didn't thought it was due to your leaving. I didn't want to accept or believe it. When I got home I knew something was wrong. Mom didn't even have to tell me about it. As I saw the shoes outside that belonged to that horrible woman, I knew. I don't know what she was doing there because she doesn't like us. Anyway, I didn't even bother to bid her the time of day. I didn't even look at her, nor her daughters. I went to my mom and she just looked at me. I didn't need her to tell me anything. I just went and stood by the window. Not knowing what to do. When the shock of the news was over, I started crying as I had never cried before. I couldn't even get myself to go to the church. Even that wasn't as bad as when I saw them lowering you into the ground. That was the worst part. I thought of you being alone and cold down there, and plus it must be very dark. It's terrible. Now, four years after, I wish you were still here, but in a different way. This is the time when I need to talk to someone, especially someone like you. Somebody that would listen without allowing their mind to think about something else. But I have to live on without you. As I said earlier, I am comforted by the thought that you are in a better place and I hope that one day soon we will meet again. But I have done so many things that make me feel afraid. I certainly don't want to end up in the other part. But one day little sis. One day soon I shall see you again. It's so hard to do the right thing when all around me there are temptations and unnecessary pleasures, things I can learn to live without. I could but there are times when my mind fails me, and that's when so many things happen. So many deceptions. They get to me through lies, faked emotions and empty promises, but not anymore. I am afraid to trust and love. People don't value that anymore. It's so sad. Things would brighten up a little if they knew how to. Until then, I have to continue to live my life here.

With lots of love,
your big sis
Priscie

A Part of my Summer

I was suppossed to do this a long time ago but I never got around to doing it. I went to San Pedro during the summer and we had a helluva good time. Well, I did. I don't know about the rest.
These are some pictures:
just follow.

I enjoyed it very much. In my own way.

A Kekchi Wedding I Went To

Since I have nothing else to do right now, I will write about the first Kekchi wedding I went to. It was during the summer when I went to my new home. I grew up in a Mopan Mayan village so it was a great change when we moved to a Kekchi village. Okay, down south, I mean way down, almost all weddings are held on Sundays. First, they have a very long mass then the reception. Since I am not Catholic and I was at church somewhere else, I didn't get to go to the mass. After church, I went home and waited till there was a good amount of people at the groom's house. Since I was new to the area and knew not one soul, I felt uncomfortable when I stepped in their yard. I saw them staring at me, which is something I can't stand, and I felt the urge to turn around and go back home but I couldn't because I would have angered my father. Anyway, I wasn't expecting what I saw. There were no chairs to sit down and they only had a small tent which was already full. The rest of people were scattered all over the place. Some were sitting in the grass and others were standing under the shade of the trees. The only place where they had chairs was in the house and it was dark and crowded inside. So I had to stay and stand up outside with my two sisters. Those people had a deep drain around the house and a space big enough to walk on was left along the wall. We stood there and tried not to look at the people because every time we looked, we saw things that we shouldn't have seen. For us to stop to laugh, we tried to talk but we couldn't. Since we were standing against the wall, people had to squeeze past us. When it was time to eat, the people got their food and went to sit down in the grass. They are known for the 'poch' they eat so I wasn't expecting tortillas. I was glad when my mother told me there was, because there was no way I would have swallowed a mouthful of 'poch'. I had trouble eating because I had my food in one hand and juice in the next, but there was no way I would have sit down in the grass either, because I would have been scratching all day. I was happy when my father said it was time to go home. When we got home, the images just flashed in my mind and I would start laughing. I don't know if they do all their weddings like that but I would never want to go to another. Oh and the music was some kind of very old ranchera. And they spend hours doing 'tzik' instead of enjoying each others company.

The Truth

There are things that I wish would have never changed, but they were for the best.
There are doors that I wish would have never closed, but I'm glad they did.
There are times that I wish I could have what I once had, but I realize that that could never be.
There are places that I would like to see, but I can never get to see all.
There are times when I wish I would just disappear, but if I do I would miss out on the most important things that has happened.
I give thanks to the people who made me realize who I am, who made me change some of my ways, who had patience with me when I gave them a hard time, who knew how to wait for an answer, who gave me my own space, who were there when I needed them most.
Special thanks goes to Karen, who has helped me out a lot over the past. Without you, I would be walking in another direction.
I took this time to write these few words because one can never know what can happen and it's better to be prepared.

Some more of the past

Well, my father was one of those who ran away, hoping for something good to happen. I guess he was trying to make his way to another place to start over. Since his father sent him away, he just wandered about, from one place to the other, till he reached in Corozal. Once there, he was thinking of making his way across to Mexico, and then the U.S, but something happened.
I know my father and once he has his thoughts planted somewhere, he doesn't give up till he achieves what he wants. He got a job working in the cane fields, which was new to him since we don't plant cane down here. ( He was used to harvesting corn and beans, etc, which there will be some about, if I don't forget. ) Anyway, he was up there for a time and was working with different people. One of them was Ambrocio. Well, to make it shorter, life throws up many chances and bestows many gifts upon us. It so happened that this man had a daughter and she liked my father. They had to wait for some time before they were married, since she was barely 15.
Sorry for everything being so mixed up, but I was never good in writing, and never will be. At least I know I write, which I prefer to do over talking.
Since my father found a wife so far away from his home, we made up a story about it. They also don't tell us all the deatails, so we ask my grandmother. With what she tells us, me made up a beautiful story. I also got some ideas from the books I read.
When I have more time, I will be sure to post it. Very unique.
Hope everyone is alright and hope you find God as soon as possible. Time is too short for it to be wasted. With God in your life, everything will be great, but you have to believe.
In believing and trusting, things can happen. Pray without doubting and it will be answered.
Well, it seems that I left the past for now.
Right now I just want to talk about God. I always wonder how he made everything. The Bible says to leave all secret things unto God, but a curious mind can never do that. Only if I think about nothing, but that is impossible even for me at times. I used to, but life is not that simple and carefree anymore. More later

A Journey Into The Past

Many years ago, the people lived a very hard life. It is nothing compared to what we have now. Our life is made easy by countless electrical supplies and oppurtunities that we are offered. For the people back then, it was even hard for them to go to school. A lot of them didn't know how to read or write. The only language they knew how to speak was theirs. No English or Creole. Life was hard for both men and women, in its own way.
The men had to go to thier farms as early as 4 a.m. They usaully walked for about hour and a half to two hours. The women had to wake up every morning earlier than the men to prepare their breakfast and lunch. When they were through, they bagan with their daily duties. It would seem that waking up early and doing thier chores would mean that by the afternoon they would be finished with everything, but it wasn't so. They always did other things like sewing or embroidery or they made baskets and things out of clay.
Having kids was one of the things that I guess they couldn't control. Haha..... They had one almost every year. Traditionally, they waited two years after their marriage to have their first child and another two before the second and so on, but I guess they couldn't keep up to that. A kid's life was not what we are used to neither. Most of the time, the father forced them to go to farm with him, even the mother. The children barely went to school.
The girls usually got tired of what they go through and they wished that someone would come to ask their hand in marriage. Little did they know that having a husband was worse than living with their parents. If they didn't get beaten at home, then they surely got it at the hands of their husband, especially if they didn't do what they were supposed to.
My father always told us how it was when he grew up. He wasn't my grandfather's favorite and he suffered more. More than once he made him walk home from the farm with a big bundle of firewood on his back. And that was like a two hour walk without stopping to rest. By the time he grew up, he went away. It was like that for most of the boys. They always ran away from home because they grew tired of the way they were treated and were convinced that life out there was hard too but better.

to be continued

One Flaw in Women

I got to do this a little late, but I am still doing it. It's such a shame that a lot of women hide who they really are. But to those women who keep their head held high, I should say that I am very proud of them. Such a shame on the stupid men who make them feel that they aren't worth anything. Men take them as things that they can use and dispose of when they want. I just hope that one day, they will get to feel what it feels to be played with. Life is a cycle, and you can never run away from what should happen.
Enough of that. I must have bored you by now.

Women have strengths that amaze men
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take 'no' for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to a doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Yesterday

This poem was originally written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney. I have decided to make some changes though.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh I believe in Yesterday.

Suddenly, I'm not half the girl I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh Yesterday came suddenly.

Why he had to go I don't know,
He wouldn't say.
I might have said or did something wrong,
But I know that is not the case.

Now I long for Yesterday.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh I believe in Yesterday.

Now Yesterday is so far away
Never to be lived again.

coming soon
A Journey Into The Past

All I Ask

Keep me in your sweet embrace
for only you can satisfy this hunger that I have so long endured
The moment that I have so long awaited has come,
when I'd drown myself in you.
You have a taste that is as salty as my tears,
And my eyes sting whenever you get inside
It is only when I am embraced by you that I feel really at peace.

You have made me feel all the possible good feelings that no one has ever made me feel

To me, it doesn't matter how many people you've hurt,
or how many secrets you guard deep down,
as long as you can make me feel that I do belong
For you are very different from the rest of the world.
It doesn't matter to you if I am not who you expect me to be.
You allow me to come to you as I am

What more can I ask for?

Yet I have this sadness and loneliness deep inside that even you can never take away.
I need something more and every time I find it,
(or when I think I do)
I try to get hold of it
but it goes away

The only problem here is that I can't trust not even you.
I know that a day will come when you will get angry
and if I am with you,
You will not even think before hurting me too

Even so, I want you to know that I can never stay far away from you.

Stories with meaning

Well, I just finished reading these stories that found me somehow, and I have decided to share it with you all. Perhaps, when you finish reading it too, you will have a better understanding of why things happen the way they do. At least it gives a person something to believe, even though it might not be that way. The first story for example, makes somebody think that there is a reason behind everything and that people make decisions that they would have never wanted to do. They do it just so that the other person won't feel it that much when they get to know the real reason.

ONCE TRUE LOVE

There was once this guy who is very much in love
with his girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces
of paper cranes as a gift to his girl.

Although, at that time he was just a small fry in
his company, his future didn ' t seem too bright,
they were very happy together. Until one day, his
girl told him she was going to Paris and will never
come back. She also told him that she cannot
visualize any future for the both of them, so they
went their own ways there and then...

Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regained
his confide nce, he worked hard day and night,
slogging his body and mind just to make something
out of himself.

Finally with all the hard work and the help of
friends, this guy had set up his own company ..

You never fail until you stop trying. One rainy day,
while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple
sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some
destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still
drenched. It didn ' t take him long to realize they
were his girl ' s parents.

With a heart in getting back at them, he drove
slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him
in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he
wasn ' t the same any more; he had his own company,
car, condo, etc. He made it! What he saw next
confused him, the couple was
walking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his
car and followed...and he saw his girl, a photograph
of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her
tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside
her...

Her parents saw him. He asked them why this had
happened. They explained, she did not leave for
France at all. She was ill with cancer. She had
believed that he will make it someday, but she did
not want to be his obstacle... therefore she had
chosen to leave him. Just because someone doesn ' t
love you the way you wa nt them to, doesn ' t mean
they don ' t love you with all they have. She had
wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside
her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him
to her again...he can take some of those back with
him...

Once you have loved, you will always love. For
what's in your mind may escape but what's in your
heart will remain forever.

The guy just wept...The worst way to miss someone is
to be sitting
right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her
or be with her ever again....... ..hope you
understand.

Find time to realize that there is one person who
means so much to you, for you might wake up one
morning losing that person who you thought meant
nothing to you.

KINDNESS Pays !

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door
to door to pay his way through school, found he had
only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He
decided he would ask for a meal at the next house.
However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman
opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a
drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so
brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it
slowly, and then asked, 'How much do I owe you?'

'You don't owe me anything,' she replied 'Mother has
taught us never to accept payment for a kindness.'
He said... 'Then I thank you from my heart.'

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt
stronger
physically, but his faith in God and man was strong
also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Years later that young woman became critically ill.
The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent
her to the big city, where they called in
specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard
Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he
heard the name of the town she came from, a strange
light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the
hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown
he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He
went back to the consultation room determined to do
his best to save her life. From that day he gave
special attention to the case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly
requested the
business office to pass the final bill to him for
approval. He looked
at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill
was sent to her room.
She feared to open it, for she was sure it would
take the rest of her life to pay for it all.
Finally, she looked, and something caught ;
her attention on the side as She read these
words.....

'Paid in full with one glass of milk.' (Signed) Dr.
Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart
prayed: 'Thank You,
GOD, that Your love has spread abroad through human
hearts and hands.'

There's Sunshine in a Smile

Life is a mixture of sunshine and rain,
laughter and pleasure,
teardrops and pain.
All days can't be bright,
but it's certainly true
there was never a cloud the sun didn't shine through.

So just keep on smiling,
whatever you face,
assured in knowing you can reach a safe place.

You'll find that when you smile your day will be brighter,
And all of your burdens will seem so much lighter

For each time you smile
You will find it is true,

Somebody, somewhere, will smile back at you,

And nothing on Earth can make life more worthwhile
than the sunshine and warmth of a beautiful smile.

Inner Strength

There are times in every life

When we feel hurt or alone. . .
But. . . believe that these times
When we feel lost
and all around us seems
to be falling apart
are really bridges of growth

We struggle and try to recapture
the security of what was,
But almost in spite of ourselves. . .
We emerge on the other side
with a new understanding,
a new awareness,
a new strength.

It is almost as though
we must go through the pain
and the struggle
in order to grow
and reach new heights.

Changes and more changes

So much days and nights have gone by unnoticed. They have flied past me without me even knowing where they all go. I can recall some of the special and good times I spent with my friend, my sister and a few other people. The circle is always small. It's better that way. Not many things to worry about.

Changes and more changes are taking place. My family has moved out of the village, which is good because I will not see my nosy neighbor again. The only bad part is that my two cats didn't get to go along with them. I will miss them so much, especially the gray-striped one, Cody. I don't think I will really miss Whisky. At least I got to hold them for one last time when I went home.

People just can't keep everything that they have, from animals, to things, to humans.

I know that living in a place apart from the one where I grew up can be hard, but that's the best solution for now. There's no other option. The funny part is that I don't even know how the place looks. This is the first time I am moving out of my home, apart from coming to Cayo, since this is about school.


Over the past months, I have been trying to remember what my past birthdays were like. I can't remember one that I was told was very important to remember. I remember I was in Corozal with my cousin for my 17th. It was good. There was a group of young students from the states visiting with her. They sang me Happy Birthday.
For my 18th birthday, I was here in Cayo. I left home early that morning. It was the weekend I wasn't supposed to go home. When I got back, I got a big surprise.


I always wonder about why things turned out this way. I have no idea about what went wrong. According to him, it was about his job. He got a job away from here and it was really hard to see each other. He let me go, but somehow, somewhere, I know he hasn't. Not really. It

That there was for those who think that they are worth nothing to other people. If there are a lot of people out there who don't like you, don't bring yourself down. Please know that there are others out there who would be happy to have you around.


This poem is for my closest friend. The only person I have ever talked to, as in really talked to.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

A Message

There is so much time but too little to do the things I want to do.
I only want to say that you all should paint your own pictures. Do not let others be the ones to do it for you.