Dear Aida,
Today makes it four years since you left our side. It hurt so much when you left and it still does, but we are comforted by the thought that you are in a better place. So many times have I wondered why it had to be you. That was a cruel play. You being so small, beautiful and innocent. Sometimes I wish it would have happened to me instead. You missed so much of life, but here there is only suffering and disappointments. Life is full of it. I've had my share of it, and it always makes me feel so bad. I wish I can get out of here sometimes and spend time with you. The times we never had when you were here, since you were so small to even know what was happening. All those nights when you cried, and me not knowing why made me cry along with you. Then the time when you laughed for the first time. It was years after they left you that way. I was the one to hear it, and it gave me hopes that one day you would be better, but time proved me wrong. I always wonder how you and I would have gotten along. Would you have been like our other sisters? Of course not. I know you would have been different and we would have understood each other better. I knew that the time for you to leave was near when you refused your bottle, and it brought tears to my eyes for I had no one else to talk to. I couldn't talk to anyone else how I talked to you because I knew that they never listened. I know you heard me, even though the doctors said you couldn't hear. They were very wrong because you would jump whenever there was a loud noise. They can't even explain why you laughed after such a long time. To them, you were nothing, but they didn't see you every day. When I heard that you went away, it was a terrible blow. It was on a Wednesday, I remember clearly. I was at school, and that day I wasn't feeling like myself. There was this heaviness in my heart and I didn't thought it was due to your leaving. I didn't want to accept or believe it. When I got home I knew something was wrong. Mom didn't even have to tell me about it. As I saw the shoes outside that belonged to that horrible woman, I knew. I don't know what she was doing there because she doesn't like us. Anyway, I didn't even bother to bid her the time of day. I didn't even look at her, nor her daughters. I went to my mom and she just looked at me. I didn't need her to tell me anything. I just went and stood by the window. Not knowing what to do. When the shock of the news was over, I started crying as I had never cried before. I couldn't even get myself to go to the church. Even that wasn't as bad as when I saw them lowering you into the ground. That was the worst part. I thought of you being alone and cold down there, and plus it must be very dark. It's terrible. Now, four years after, I wish you were still here, but in a different way. This is the time when I need to talk to someone, especially someone like you. Somebody that would listen without allowing their mind to think about something else. But I have to live on without you. As I said earlier, I am comforted by the thought that you are in a better place and I hope that one day soon we will meet again. But I have done so many things that make me feel afraid. I certainly don't want to end up in the other part. But one day little sis. One day soon I shall see you again. It's so hard to do the right thing when all around me there are temptations and unnecessary pleasures, things I can learn to live without. I could but there are times when my mind fails me, and that's when so many things happen. So many deceptions. They get to me through lies, faked emotions and empty promises, but not anymore. I am afraid to trust and love. People don't value that anymore. It's so sad. Things would brighten up a little if they knew how to. Until then, I have to continue to live my life here.
With lots of love,
your big sis
Priscie
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