That was the time when I opened the door a little bit more, allowed some more light to light up the dark room I was living in. I furnished it a little, took off most of the dust that had settled in over the years. I even allowed some visitors, and some visit frequently and others occasionally. Some made me change and I made some change. That happens every time, but we are so blind so as not to notice when it happens. Most of the time we think it's the other person who changes, when actually it's both.
I think that the main reason why people change is because of the mistakes we do. But don't worry, every one makes them, no one is perfect. There are times when we wish we wish we could just go back and click 'undo', or 'cut', or just rub an eraser across the board or page, but all that is impossible. Life isn't about erasers and leaving barely noticeable smudges, or imagining away, or clicks.
You've hurt someone and I've hurt someone. We even hurt ourselves. If you think words don't hurt, I'll tell you it does. Know why? They shatter the soul. It hurts more than cuts and bruises. Those heal and are quickly forgotten, but a shattered soul and a broken heart doesn't. The words said are never forgotten. They remain engraved in us and no matter what others do and how many times they say "I'm sorry", to make it up to us, the hurt won't go away. It's always there to haunt you. You might have thought it takes more than just words to make a person go over the edge. Maybe so, maybe not. There aren't any erasers, remember?
Has anyone ever wondered why people become so cold and hard-hearted? I always think that nothing can hurt them, but it's not so. They are hurt, but it just doesn't show. They might look tough, strong and confident on the outside, but what is going on inside? They are slowly dying, and they yearn to feel loved and accepted, so they can stop being the 'breathing dead'.
Accept people for who they are, because if you waste your time judging them, you'll have no time to love them. Let them help you unveil your hidden self, and help them unveil theirs. You'll find the real you and the real them. Time flies away, and with it most of our burdens.
I know this probably doesn't make any sense to you, and it's totally useless, but you don't have to continue to read. You're not obligated. I just feel like writing down my thoughts and open up a little more, in my own way. All those little Thoughts and Memories running around in my head.
I say I hate dogs, but there is one that got to me. He used to be my daily visitor. I always kept my door closed, but not locked. He would push it and walk in. I liked playing with him, and he liked when I scratched his head. Sometimes when I was busy doing my work, he'd just sit down and look at me.
With cats now, it's different. I can spend hours sitting down with a cat in my lap and petting it, and I'd hold a book in the other. At times I'd talk to it and listen to how it purrs.
This might sound weird, but I compare myself to them. They can be so loving and calm when left alone, or when petted, but disturb them or hurt them, and they get ready to scratch or bite.
I'm like that in a way. I can be so calm and quiet, but if you do me something that I really don't like, you'll be exposed to the other side of me. I'll be a totally different person. It takes a lot for me to expose the other side, though. My friends always ask me how I take what others do to me. It's probably because I forget easily. When I get angry with someone, after a day or a couple of hours, I'd have already forgotten why I was angry. That's just me. There's no other. I'm one in a million, not of.
I can almost hear the church bells ringing! and see lots of people.
Staying awake till 4 a.m got the best of me. Couldn't put down my pen and paper.
4 comments:
awww... what can i say? sarah, sarah, sarah.. true, like you child, there will never be another.
the ssp dollar day will be fun- you know i will make it fun.
People change sarah, becuase life is a process, you have to change, whether u notice or not,we are always changing.
oh hurt.. yap, very familiar with that, in fact he used to be my best friend, not anymore though, i got a new one! yeah we all hurt and are hurted, but thats life.
and people, like our mutual freind (t) they think they're so hardcore, when indeed, they are crying out for someone to love them. i liked the little pic, sadly, that one guy may never come,but know this: THEY ARE NOT ALL THE SAME...
(see me for reference)
you a cat person, i definitely a dog person, i feel i can relate to dogs more...
all in all
girl, that was one hell of a post!!!!
And i thought best friends were forever, but I guess this saying is true then,"forever can be just a few moments". I thought it was a lifetime. In that case, I think we die when we get hurt, and re-born when we find another source of happiness. Hahaha! I'm a newborn! uh oh, I've lost my mind!.
Glad to know people stay up writing until dawn. Pen and paper, I like that, very much.
@ Leo: it's the only thing left for me to do. I haven't got any books to read lately, so I write.
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